It’s been 3 months, and I thought I was finally starting to get over you. And then I saw pictures of you. I was feeling sad. And then I saw pictures of you with a girl. I had a panic attack. And I think it really only hurts that much because I know what I felt for you was real. What do normal people do when they get this sad? Because everything I do reminds me of you. I still have those playlists with your name on them. I still draw pictures of you, I read the books you recommended me, and it hurts so much.
Maybe without the memories, it wouldn’t hurt that much. Maybe if I didn’t associate every single fucking to you, it would be easier, but I can’t move one. You never gave me the closure I needed, and I just can’t let go. If that makes me weak, then fine, I’ll accept that, but I can’t handle you being gone. I can’t handle feeling like this anymore.
You broke me, shattered my heart into a thousand tiny pieces that can’t be fixed. There’s this hole, deep inside me, where you used to be. And I hate you so much because of it. I hate you, because I still love you. Even after everything, even after all this time, you are constantly in my mind. And all I can ask myself is “What if I just wasn’t good enough, or smart enough? What if everything was all my fault, because I simply wasn’t enough, or because, deep down, I fucked up everything? Did I care or loved you too much?”
I always chose the wrong people, but with you, I thought things were different. I thought you cared about me, that even if you never wanted to commit, you’d be able to respect me, and to treat me as a friend at least.
I’m in love with a guy I can never had, And everyday, it just keeps getting worse, and I can’t miss you anymore. I don’t want to miss you anymore. I want to move on, meet someone that can awaken those feelings in me again. I want to feel like there’s hope that someday, I’ll be able to look back at everything and not feel so much pain. I loved you more than anything. I have felt everything for you, and you were never able to see how you felt about me. But you left, you never even said goodbye.