I’ve always been someone with very low self esteem. I don’t believe guys telling me I’m pretty. I don’t think I deserve half the guys that fall for me, and it’s always been that way. I’ve learnt to accept my lack of self confidence and I’m able to deal with it in my own ways. Sure, I’ve tried to eat better, to exercise more often, but at the end of the day, I eat healthy-ish, I’m definitely not fat and the motivation wasn’t there at all, so I gave up very quickly every time.
And then, the only guy I’ve ever fallen in love with told me he liked flat bellies and sexy butts. Sure, I thought about the little bit of extra fat I have and the lack of ass I really don’t usually mind, but I didn’t think it would affect me the way it did. Later that week, he drunkenly told me that I was pretty. He almost never said anything about my physical appearance in the whole year I’ve known him and it made me happy then, but later on, I remembered what he had said earlier.
A month later, i realize I’ve been exercising more than ever before. I keep looking at my belly and butt in the mirror, whenever I’m only wearing underwear and the scale has become my new best friend. I hate it, but I’m obessessed with it. And the thing is, I lose weight so easily right now, that my roommate thinks I don’t eat when she’s not around.
I’ve never let myself be defined by my weight, but right now, I’m the one obsessing over it and it’s messing up my life.